In the corner..

I spent a good portion of my night in a corner with these two hooligans:

After the men's basketball won their last home game, Loren, Shefali and I headed to The Beach Club for dinner. I haven't been out to dinner or drinks with many people lately. Working graveyard (and now not working) has kept me home to sleep or to save money, so tonight it was nice to have good girlfriends, good basketball, decent food and incredible jokes surround me. I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did tonight. 

Long Beach, the CSULB campus and the Walter Pyramid are my homes away from home. It's where I feel comfortable, where a lot of things make sense, and where I really grew up. It's where I've laughed, cried and stayed up learning life's secrets with my friends til the sun comes up. I truly love this city and all it has to offer. I can't wait for the day that I move back. 

It's beautiful, isn't it? 

Fearing Fear

I've always been a little timid, nervous and reluctant to take a chance on things. It's only really been lately that I've realized how detrimental this is and how much I have come to resent that side of me.

I'm to scared to __________________.
Just fill in the blank with nearly anything and it's quite possible it applies.

A recent blog post by a friend of mine, Meg, really got me thinking about how much fear plays a roll in my daily life. How scared am I to walk the talk that I talk? The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. I've traveled to Europe by myself, navigated through countries where I didn't speak the native tongue, yet somehow managed to find my way back home just fine... why was I still afraid? What was their to fear?

Failure
Embarrassment
Anxiety
Rejection

They actually spell out FEAR. How annoying, but really, how important are these things?

I've said that I've wanted to start a business for a couple years, but why haven't I taken the leap?
Fear of failure.

I've said that I know how to drive, but it's the anxiety that stops me.

I don't put myself out there to find new friends or people to date... rejection, embarrassment, anxiety, you name it... but a lot of this comes with a skewed view of self, which I'll get to in my next post.

I can go on and on about everything that I'm afraid of, but I'd rather not because that just seems awful. I'd rather go about explaining myself, and trying to sort out what's going on in my head, and why.

Back to Meg. After reading her most recent post, I sat there crying. I realized that I fear so much for no real reason and that most people do the same thing. I'm scared to open myself for fear of being hurt.. so I did something I dreaded. I sent Meg a message on Facebook, telling her that I could relate to wanting to go about things on my own, that trusting other people was too difficult and how, like her, I needed to change this thought process.

First troublesome thing to overcome, I decided, was small to some, but meant a hell of a lot to me. I started going to Bikram Yoga in July and LOVED it. Loved is really an understatement as I hadn't felt the adrenaline and endorphin rush that each class provided in nearly 7 years... since before I'd hurt my back. I realized that I became reluctant to go because I was enjoying it too much. I was scared. Scared that I would get too connected. Scared that I would lose this outlet just like I'd lost basketball and throwing. My pain tolerance is too high, my body too broken. I kept finding excuses... too tired, too crampy, too anything. After reading Meg's post, I realized that I had to go back. Not only to overcome this ridiculous fear, but for my own sanity again. I included that in my message to her (she's a hot yoga teacher) and she empathized with the feeling, telling me that surprisingly, it's normal.

I'm going back in on Sunday morning. Back into the heat, to sweat out the toxins, the toxic thoughts and to find my way through the fear.
Here goes.

Wedding Day!

Saturday, was a day of crazy rushing around and getting ready, I did my best impression of Coolio while getting my hair to dry, ordered room service - a tortilla espanola sandwich and pizza while getting ready and danced around while playing music like any normal twenty something girl.

I got my stuff together, wore flats to walk to the other hotel where people were staying and rushed over with heels in hand. I met up with a couple of the girls from the bachelorette night and Elissa's family that was staying there. We boarded a charter bus that took us to the beautiful, stunning estate that Elissa and Si were getting married at. Most everyone was overwhelmed at the beauty of this house and the grounds.

The wedding was in English and Spanish, and we joked with the couple that they've already been married twice because of that. The weather could not have cooperated more. The day was beautiful and went off without a hitch!

After the ceremony, we headed to the cocktail hour while the bridal party took pictures. There were drinks and tapas served and mingling, pictures taken and laughs shared by everyone, friends and family alike. When the couple arrived to the cocktail area, there were toasts and more pictures, and we eventually migrated toward the dining area. The toasts from David, Pete (Simon's brother), Simon, and Sarah (Elissa's maid of honor) were all great and incredibly touching. Simon had the majority of us tearing up when he recognized Tavi, Elissa's father who passed away a few years ago and it was easy to see how much Si loves her, the family and how excited they both are to be officially married.

I was seated at a table with three of Simon's cousins, Becki and her boyfriend Tom who I had met the night before included, a couple of the girls from the bachelorette night and two of Elissa's cousins who I'd met maybe once or twice when we were all a lot younger. After introductions, we all started different conversations, the wine flowed and before the night was over we were all laughing, joking and having a great time. More than once our table was given the 'eye' from another table because we were rather loud and boisterous while laughing and joking around. The menu for dinner was extravagant in all the right ways. Course after course was served and it was all fantastic. I ate goat! It was absolutely delicious and wish it was easier to find here. The quality of food in both Italy and Spain was spectacular and I miss it. Everything tastes as though it was grown just down the street and in some cases, it probably was.

After dinner involved more drinks, dancing and socializing, all of which was a grand time. I took a taxi back to the hotel around 2am.. maybe 3? all I know was that it was late and my feet hurt. I got back to the hotel and rightly passed out as soon as I got in my room.

¡Viva España!

I left Italy on May 30 and flew to Alicante, Spain! I landed in the afternoon and headed to the hotel. I was buzzing with excitement because I knew I was going to be surprising one of my oldest friends at her bachelorette night/despedida/hen night.

A little backstory before I get in too much further:

Elissa and I grew up together, our families were extremely close while we were growing up, her immediate family moved to Spain when I was 10 (she was 13) and we did our best to keep in touch through mail and basic email since this was way way before facebook and the like. Our families grew apart and as we got older, we lost touch, just because of life and school and whatnot. I'd missed her a ton, we were like cousins, if not sisters growing up and losing touch made it seem like something was missing. A few years ago, I was sitting in my dorm room and I thought about her and looked her up on facebook (now that we had it, and we were older, I figured why not). Well, low and behold there she was in the search results. After the friend request was sent I immediately got a message back and we were back on track and in touch again. No matter that we lived a continent apart, it seemed like nothing had changed and we chatted for quite a while making sure that siblings and parents reconnected again as well. Overall, it was a good day! As soon as I found out she was engaged, I started saving for this trip and a year and a half later, here I was, super excited. 

I caught the bus to the hotel from the airport and made my way to the hotel. The bus from the airport went along the beach and up toward the center of Alicante. I got to the drop off point and found my hotel, a less than 5 minute walk away from the beach and the other hotel where other people were staying. Checking in was super easy and upon doing so, the receptionist said "oh, you're going to have a great view!" I got up to my room, and WOW!!!!! 

No big deal, right? Just the view of the ayunimiento (city hall kinda thing) and Castillo Santa Barbara. Just a castle outside my window. SERIOUSLY!? This can't be real life. 

I skyped home with my mom while getting ready to go out. Here's where the crazy begins. I had to get to the train station, catch a train to Elche and follow all these steps to get where I was supposed to go in a country I had never been to. Long story short, I ran across downtown Alicante to the train station, missed the train and had a small melt down calling my mom and texting/calling the girls I was meeting up with. One of the girls (Lorena) called me back and asked if I could take a taxi because they really wanted me to be there. Well, I did and it was the best thing I could have done, even after the melt down. 

I got to the house where we were meeting and Melani (who I had been making plans and talking to over facebook messages the past month or so) greeted me with huge open arms and I heard Elissa trying to figure out what was going on. As we walked back into the apartment, Elissa and I made eye contact and her mouth dropped and I laughed when she said "what are you doing here!?" in complete surprise. Hugs and tears were aplenty and it was amazing to be part of such a great intercontinental surprise. From there, champagne and stories were shared while I got introduced to the other girls there. We had a great time that night, walking along the riverbed to dinner and then having an amazing dinner that was course after course of delicious food. 

The night was awesome. After dinner we walked through downtown Elche, heading toward a bar that they new would be a good time and not too crowded. The drinks were delicious, the company was even better. Those of us that didn't know each other prior to that night were already becoming fast friends and it was just exciting to be in Spain with brand new friends. I got back to my hotel around 4am, passed out for the night, excited to see Elissa's family and meet her fiancé the next night.  

I woke up the next morning and unpacked a little, got my bearings and then slept some more. Jetlag was finally starting to catch up with me and I had to nip it in the bud, I still had a week left of adventuring! I took a taxi out to Elche Friday night. Elissa and Simon's friends and families were getting together for a big dinner and I was invited, another thing I wasn't going to miss - I hadn't seen Alicia and David (Elissa's mom and brother) in years! I was so excited to see them and some other family members that were in town. The taxi driver was so nice and got me there as quickly as possible (about 30-45 minutes normally) and when we got to downtown Elche, we got turned around and he couldn't get to the restaurant because the maps and GPS were telling him one thing and the street directions were saying another. Eventually he found a local Elche taxi driver and asked him how to get there. This is also when he stopped charging me because we were going in circles and he didn't see it fair. We finally got to the city center and I got to the restaurant... Now, to figure out where we were sitting/ask people if they were with the wedding.

I walked around the restaurant and their patio and happened to over hear a conversation by some Brits and figured they were part of Simon's family or friends of the bride and groom.. I took a chance and low and behold, it was Simon's extended family and I was definitely in the right place! I set my stuff down, introduced myself and we started talking, laughing and waiting for everyone else to get there. We had a great dinner, I got to catch up with Elissa's aunts who live in Texas during dinner and on the taxi ride back to Alicante as well as her mom, brother and cousin who was there. It was a good time reconnecting with long lost "family." It was a good night, the weather PERFECT and warm, the food AMAZING and the company even better.

venezia.

Venice is amazing. There is no shortage of things to see, streets to get lost on and bridges to cross.

For those of you that don't know, I have a huge fear of open water. Yes, I can swim and I know that the Lincoln Tunnel in New York went under water. No, I don't know why, I just don't like it one bit and I don't want to talk about the irrationality of it. Additionally, there are two parts of Venice. One that is part of the mainland of Italy, the other that is a serious of islands connected by bridges and water ways. The cooler, more known part of Venice is the islandy part. In order to get there, you either drive, boat or take the train across the water to the island. Luckily, I have awesome friends who completely distract me so that I don't freak out when I realize that I'm on a train that appears to be choo-choo-ing its way across the top of the water ready to sucked into the ocean at any time. See what I mean?! Instant worst case scenario in my head and I'm not even there anymore.

Now that my lovely fear and the islands of Venice have been described, here comes the beauty of the city. Monday night, Jen and I decided to go to Venice on Tuesday and Verona on Wednesday because we both agreed that the possibility of rain and open water wasn't going to be the best mix for me and it wasn't supposed to rain on Tuesday. Good idea us! We got up and got to the train station around 9ish and headed the hour or so to Venice. The train ride was nice and we got there quickly. When we got to Venice, it wasn't too crowded so we decided to head toward St. Mark's before all the other cruises and tourists got there and bombarded the island. This is when I noticed something really cool. Italy is full of inter-Italian tourism. There were bunches of Italians with maps and cameras visiting for the day. It's a decent sized country with a ton of things to see, so I can only imagine how many more times I will need to go back to see everything! (ha, see what i did there?!)

Walking through the streets, its so easy to get lost, but no matter what, you'll have to cross bridges and walkways and as long as you follow the signs that have been put up, you'll find your way to the major things among the islands. We reached St. Mark's and were greeted by less people than we anticipated and amazing sunshine allowing for great pictures. The line to see the inside of the church was already hundreds of people long, so we passed on seeing the inside and took a bajillion pictures of people, pigeons and architecture. The church and piazza were beautiful, the water and sky was so clear. Venice is everything that I ever wished it could be.

The bridges were beautiful and its amazing how these buildings and things were built atop tiny islands that are now sinking and have crazy things that are now under water. There are parts of buildings that are not underground. How freaking cool is that?! Honestly! There are so many things under the surface in Italy and I wish I could see them all! For me, the coolest part of Venice was the Ghetto and seeing the history of the city. I'm out of words for Venice. It was just beautiful, see?